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Affordability: The stories we tell ourselves about money
We’ve been talking for several weeks about affordability by separating facts, influences, and choices.
Lately, I’ve been thinking more about the mindset piece and the stories we tell ourselves.
Those stories come from somewhere. They are shaped by:
How we grew up
Friends and family
Social media
The news
Past financial experiences
What we see other people doing
All of these things can influence what we believe about money and what we think is or isn’t affordable.
So, if we are influenced by so many things, what can we do about it?
First, we become aware.
We can’t change what we aren’t aware of.
Our beliefs often show up in the words we use. I’m not trying to be the word police here. 😊 My point is that our words can shape our decisions, our mood, and how we feel about a situation.
Here is one phrase I catch myself saying:
“I have to…”
When I say I have to do something, it can feel as if I don’t have a choice and I’m being forced to do something I don’t want to do.
Somewhere along the way, I learned to replace “I have to” with “I get to.”
I don’t have to clean the toilets. I get to clean the toilets.
No, I still don’t enjoy cleaning toilets. 😂 But those words remind me that I have a home and toilets to clean. There are people who wish they had those things. I’m also here for another day, and each day is a gift.
In fact, one of my prayers every morning is simply, “Thank You for another day.”
Changing those few words doesn’t change the task. It changes my perspective.
The same thing can happen with money.
We might tell ourselves:
“I’ll never be able to afford a house.”
“Everything is always so expensive.”
“I’ll always have a car payment.”
“There’s nothing I can do.”
Some of the facts behind those statements may be real. Housing prices are high. Some everyday expenses have increased. Interest rates affect what we can afford.
Financial challenges are also part of life. Every generation seems to face its own version.
In the 1970s, gas shortages caused people to wait in long lines to fill their cars. The 1980s brought high inflation, high interest rates, and recessions. The 2008–2009 housing crisis followed years of risky lending and people being approved for homes they could not sustainably afford.
Affordability challenges have always been part of daily life. Sometimes they are more noticeable than others. Sometimes they affect us more personally.
We can’t control every government decision, economic shift, interest rate, or price increase.
AND we can choose how we respond, the stories we continue telling ourselves, and what we do next.
One perspective gives everything happening around us the control, leaving us feeling powerless.
The other helps us recognize the choices we still have.
I don’t know about you, but I would rather focus on what I can control. It helps me feel less powerless and more motivated to move forward.
Reframing doesn’t mean ignoring the facts or pretending something is affordable when it isn’t.
It means replacing an absolute or discouraging story with one that is honest, recognizes the choices we have, and helps us move forward.
My mom always reminded me not to use words like “never” and “always,” especially when arguing with my husband. Those words are absolutes, and they rarely leave room for another possibility.
The stories we repeat can either keep us stuck or help us look for our next choice.
Over the next week, pay attention to the words and phrases you use about money:
Do you frequently say, “I can’t afford it”?
Do you use words like “never” or “always”?
Do your words make you feel powerless?
Is there another way to describe the situation that is still truthful and leaves room for choices?
Next week, we’ll take some common statements about affordability and practice reframing them together.
For now, simply notice the stories you are telling yourself. Awareness is where change begins.
In your corner,
Liz
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